After two years abroad the time came to head back home. My intended date of departure was the end of October. But then came the time for me to attend the Writer’s Digest Conference in August. Everything leading up to this event wasn’t perfect, but I was happy. In fact I was happier in the past 3 months than I’ve ever been in the past year and a half.
Yet within the five days that I was there everything changed!
I reached my childhood dream: to be surrounded by writers and literary agents and editors in New York City! This was everything I ever hoped for but I was there alone. Perhaps if I had not fallen in love this whole situation could have been avoided. But alas, you cannot control matters of the heart. And so I sat listening intently to the lectures, but my mind was drifting. As I didn’t live in the hotel where the conference was being held I found myself walking back to the YMCA where I was staying thinking about what it would be like if he was there. This conference changed my whole perspective of the publishing world; so many things I didn’t know! And I started to doubt myself, I needed that one person to reassure me that this is my dream and no matter the obstacles I could still achieve everything I hoped to. But then the very person I longed for disappeared, he left, he never said goodbye he just left- no excuse or even one last kiss. There was nothing. And that heartbreak is something that has taken me over a year to understand, and I am still trying to decipher it. So then when the time came to head back to Maine I was trapped in such a small town that it was impossible to escape the memory of him. So I left. Don’t get me wrong a lot of other factors played their part in my decision but I felt that there was no other option but to try and find comfort at home.
And that’s how I ended up flying to South Africa by the end of September. Only one month earlier but I believed I wouldn’t be able to handle one more month. But returning home never offered me the comfort I needed, I felt lost. I always said that home is where the heart is, so what happens when you return home and there is only emptiness in your heart?
Growing up I only wanted two things:
To travel to world alone (New York was my top destination)
And to write.
So I traveled and I have been writing, but then when I met him traveling was not as appealing if he was not with me, and once he left my writing suffered terribly. Earlier in my life sadness and circumstance caused for magnificent stanzas and beautifully allocated vowels and then after him my words turned stale and empty.
This blog is me finding my love for writing again. Recalling everything I enjoyed about travelling.
Things I learned on my travels:
Even if you travel alone, it’ll always be the people you surround yourself that will leave the biggest impression.
Happiness is a state of mind, even when it doesn’t feel like an option.
Leaving a location won’t ease your mind, even if it is to a different country.
Positivity is key!
*My adventures in Cape Town will be posted soon. It’s always exciting to be a tourist in your own country!